Hello, Operator?
by iftheworldwasonfire
Summary: A bunch of phone messages I made up about the various characters of GONE. Rated T for mentions of drugs.


**Okay, so these are a bunch of phone messages I made up for the characters of GONE! Kind of pointless, I know, since there are no phones...great idea, lilmissfashionista...but whatever, it was fun and I was bored today. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from GONE, I only own these phone messages.**

_Good Guys_

_Sam Temple_~Okay, so first I'm the hero, then everyone is stressing me out, then everyone hates me? GOD I HATE THE FAYZ! Oh, wait, there is no God in the FAYZ! Stupid Astrid...oh, right, my phone message! Leave a message after the beep...*grumble*...BEEP!

_Astrid Ellison_~I everything, because I and Astrid the Genius, smartest person in the FAYZ. *starts sobbing uncontrollably* Petey, Petey! NO! Oh, God, I pray to you-BEEP!

_Edilio Escobar_~ I'm Sam's good-looking Hondoran (NOT MEXICAN!) sidekick. Leave a message after the beep. BEEP!

_Lana Arwen Lazar_~ I AM THE GAIAPHAGE! Now I'm Lana. NO, I'M THE GAIAPHAGE AGAIN! Nope, I'm Lana again! Anyway, leave a message after the beep! BEEP!

_Quinn Gaither_~Sup? I'm probably out fishing or something right now...so leave a message after the beep. BEEP!

_Dekka Talent_~Just get to your point after the beep and leave me alone. BEEP!

_Brianna the Breeze_~-whooosh-[TRANSLATION: Hi, I'm probably fighting evil or something right now, so leave a message after the beep. Wait, you can't even hear what I'm saying because I'm going so fast. HAHAHAHA! NO ONE IS FASTER THAN THE BREEZE! BEEP!]

_Computer Jack_~Since I have no life because all of the computers are gone, and I hate being Albert's strong man, it's wierd I'm not at my phone...I might be with Brianna or Sam...BEEP!

_Duck Zhang_~I'm dead, so obviously I don't have a phone. Wait...then...how...? BEEP!

_Orsay Pettijohn_~No, never just say a dream. A dream is a window into another reality. There is a time when the world no longer needs heroes. And then the true hero knows to walk away. I'm just going to spit out cliches until-BEEP!

_Bouncing Bette_~I was just doing a magic trick...leave a message after the beep. BEEP!

_Mary Terrafino (Mother Mary)_~I'm taking care of the prees, plus I have no free time, so leave a message after the beep and I'll try to get back to you. BEEP!

_John Terrafino (Brother John)_~I'm helping Mary with the prees, you know what to do! BEEP!

_Little Pete Ellison_~...Window Seat...BEEP!

_Dahra Baidoo_~I'm at the hospital, dealing with injured people. I'll get back to you later. BEEP!

_Elwood Booker_~God, I can't believe Dahra and I broke up...BEEP!

_Emma_~Wish us a happy fifteenth birthd-BEEP!

_Anna_~Oh my God, where did Emma go? Emma? EMMA? Oh, God. Sam, don't let go of my hands. Don't let go. Please, Sam, don't let g-BEEP!

_Taylor_ **(A/N: I'm just putting her on the Good Guys side.)**~HAH! Now I'm over here. No, I'm over here! Now I'm right here! BEEP!

_Hunter Lefkowitz_~I didn't mean to kill Harry! I'm so sorry! BEEP!

_People Who Don't Pick Sides Or Are On Both Sides_

_Charles "Orc" Merriman_~It's God's judgement on me...I'm sorry, Bette...BEEP!

_Howard Bassem_~Yeah, I' with Orc, and he's cool, so I'm cool, so don't mess with me. Leave a message after the beep. BEEP!

_Tony "Cookie" Glider_~Oh, God, thank you so much, Lana, it doesn't hurt anymore. I'll do anything you or Dahra want, anything! BEEP!

_Albert Hillsborough_~Hey, I think you know who it is since I employ basically all of Perdido Beach. Leave me a message, but it better not be you begging for water.

_E.Z._~Dum dum dum...dada dum doo didi dum dum...da d-OH MY GOD! THE WORMS! THEY'RE GETTING INSIDE ME! THE WORMS! AHHHH-BEEP!

_Francis_~I'm being reborn. BEEP!

_Patrick_~WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! *thump thump* BEEP!

_Tom O'Dell_~Oh, I'm so hungry...oh, look! A cat! BEEP!

_Sandy_~Oh. My. God. TOM KILLED MY CAT! I'M GOING TO MURDER HIM WITH A BOWLING BALL! BEEP!

_Tanner_~Praise Jesus. BEEP!

_Brittney_~Pray for me, Tanner. Pray for me. Praise Jesu-OH NO! THE DEMON! HE'S COMING BA-BEEP!

_Bad Guys_

_Pack Leader_~Pack Leader no have phone. BEEP!

_Zil Sperry_~Sperry Beach...I like it...FREAKS SUCK! HUMAN CREW ROCKS! BEEP!

_Antoine, Hank, Lance, and Turk_~HUMAN CREW RULES! DEATH TO FREAKS! MUTIES SUCK! MOOFS SUCK! CHUDS SUCK! BEEP!

_Lisa_~I'm high! *giggles* BEEP!

_Caine Soren_~Hey, the King of Perdido Beach isn't here right now, I'm probably pinning someone to the wall or plotting to overthrow Sam. Leave a message after the beep. BEEP!

_Diana Ladris_~ *in breathy seductive voice* It's Diana. I'm not in right now, but come do my bidding. BEEP!

_Drake Merwin_~I serve the Gaiaphage...whip innocent children...and I enjo-NOO! BRITTNEY PIG! BEEP!

_Chunk_~Caine, why would you smash me through a wall? Now I'm dead. Joy of all joys. BEEP!

_Bug_~You can't see me...now you can! Now you can't! BEEP!

_Nerezza_~It sucks. I'm an avatar for the gaiaphage. Whopee, my life is complete. Oh, wait, I'm not real, so I don't have a life.

_Gaiaphage/Darkness_~Serve me...BEEP!

**I just read this over and realized how crappy it was. Oh, well. It was crackfic, anyway. Review!**

**~lilmissf**


End file.
